The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
