I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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