he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
