the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
