My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
