my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
