Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
