I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
