He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
