you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
