quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
