Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Randomize
