i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
