the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
