Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
