Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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