he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
