google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
