but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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