I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
