I think I died a long time ago.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
