Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
