The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
