my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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