At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
