How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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