you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
