I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
