i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
