shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
