The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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