A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
