I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
