She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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