Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
