I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
