Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
As shirtless as possible
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
