you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
