Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
