someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
