just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
