He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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