JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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