I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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