I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
