I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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