So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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