there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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