You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
