Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
