I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
